Never Too Much Love Jun10

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Never Too Much Love

If we are honest with our selves, with  the deepest parts of our soul, we instinctually know that sexuality is not a neat concept with a stamp and seal of FOREVER on it.  It isn’t simply being attracted to one person, one gender, one expression of love or passion or about sex.  It is many things to each person as well as changeable in both definition and expression.  Humans  try and make sense of love and matters of the heart by making everyone follow the same rules whether imposed by society, a culture, or worse – a religion.   Supposedly life won’t be nearly as messy/chaotic/real/shocking when we all follow the same rules of attraction.

In reality, though, it is messier.   Yes less messy on the outside – the mask we wear to make others happy or to follow the rules and all act the same – but how very messy it is on the inside of each person forced into a role they can’t authentically  play.   Our hearts ache for the true path of love and  we are bruised so deeply when teased, ignored and humiliated by others for our true selves.    We deeply hurt when people malign that which they don’t understand.  We grow up afraid to  show who we really want and how chaotic our own thoughts about acceptance become when we can’t openly and freely follow love where it takes us and who it takes us to.  Living in Fear is a messy, joy-killing and heart damaging life that leaves NO survivors!!!

Of my 9 children more than one of my sweet babies identifies with LGBT. And yet, they don’t. They don’t because they refuse to label themselves ONE thing when they have the capacity to be more than that label. Yes, for the sake of societal change and a much needed movement LGBT is used to bring us together to create action but in reality my children have lived their life as simply themselves supported and loved by those around them.
Growing up they ALL got the same lectures on relationships – straight or gay – like  saying no, accepting no, respecting others, date etiquette, being honest and not playing games with others hearts and safe sex with consenting partners. Never was the issue WHO they love but simply that they love honestly and truthfully. We always welcomed their friends and their loves and never gave thought  of delving into why they are attracted to the same sex or opposite.  How they treated the person was what we gave thought to.
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Being attracted to another person – same or opposite sex – doesn’t always mean sexual attraction. It can mean a role model, a example of something we like, a beautiful person, a brave person, a person who loves and accepts others, a person who gives great hugs and a person who listens to our heaviest worries…it can be intimacy on so many other levels that  sex actually pales when we see how intimacy is needed from others we trust and love.  Instead of being concerned or worried or judgmental of another’s sexual preferences let’s be supportive of honest and authentic relationships to each other that express love, compassion, honesty and support. Let’s start the movement of being authentic and real to each other…..the rest will take care of itself.

We have had our hard moments as adjustments and realizations were dealt with and we also have had our fun times. Once my daughter who was dating another woman at the time came in on April Fools days announcing she was pregnant. As a midwife and her mom it took me a moment to understand what she was saying. I first said “but you are dating a girl!! and she said well not at that time!!”  I was punkd good!!!!  I have had friends who made negative remarks about gay people and I had to remove the from my life immediately because I would not accept mean people in my life.  I have learned to stand up to ignorant remarks and not laugh or ignore it- i wanted my kids to always see me standing up for right.

I am so proud of my children that in this crazy world they maintain support and encouragement not only to each other but to those around them. They have followed me to every pride parade, LGBT meeting, demonstrated with signs outside Chik-Fil-A, raised Rainbow flags in our front yard, and sported rainbow clothes and bandanas as well as even arguing with ignorant people they come in contact with.  Even though I would like to take some credit for how my kids turned out–AWESOME!!– i also know that who i am today is because of who my kids are.  I taught them about love and compassion and they taught me about real acceptance and equality and what that means in every day life.  My kids are my biggest fans and I am their biggest supporter!!