IT’S NOT A CHOICE Feb05

Tags

Related Posts

Share This

IT’S NOT A CHOICE

Many a times I have asked myself what if I were not born this way, what if I had only the usual feelings that a guy has to another. My life would have been different for sure, I would not have undergone many chapters of confusion and pain. I would not have felt the need to suppress my emotions. I would not have had to choose living a closeted life. In short, I could have been living a life much free of insecurities and confusions.

During my school days, there was this boy whom I used to find really weird. He always behaved as if he were a girl. I found his feminine conducts not befitting to a male. I guess he was ignored by most of the boys and he had only girls for company. I too used to think low of him, used to look at him with contempt, even finding difficult to give a smile. My eight year old mind didn’t want to understand him. Many years later, I realized I’m gay and the path towards that realization was very trying. I found myself asking questions unable to find answers. I felt like I was the only one feeling this attraction towards men and I couldn’t find anyone to ask for help. Then through the internet I understood there are many who feel the same way and I also became aware that most of the people do not see gays as equal to them, often gays are looked down upon. I read many instances of homophobic attacks. I felt this was all very unfair.

That’s when my mind spoke to me, “Now how do you feel when you are on the receiving side of this hatred and contempt!” I then realised what I did to that guy was also unfair. It was not his fault that he became transgendered, but people like him too deserves to live a life with dignity.

Being gay is not easy path for most of us because of our social setup. But we still travel that road no matter how bumpy it is. Would anyone pick hardship over easiness if given a choice? No. But we continue to be gay because it is not a choice. Living a gay life was not supposed to be hard, it was not supposed to be kept closeted. But it became that way, only because many people didn’t want to accept differences which sowed seeds of hatred in their minds.

And I feel there is nothing to be proud about for being gay, just like what it is for being straight. But I will say being gay broke open the mold of closed-mindedness I was living in, it taught me to accept differences, it made me tolerant. And I believe that in return, it made me a better person.