Being Gay Apr02

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Being Gay

My name is Gopu. I am doing my masters in Human genetics and molecular biology. I wanted to do masters in social work but my heart beats for DNA. Well, who said that I can’t be a “social work-ing geneticist” ? I hate the colour pink, I’m a blue/red guy. Dog person. Scared of heights, but did bungie jumping once. Yea, I like to live dangerously.

I love dancing, sipping coffee, soaking in the sun, riding motorbikes, being with kids, watching gore stupid horror movies. Madhavikutty is my favorite author. I love songs by ABBA and Boney M. I have won many awards for my acting skills during my school days. During my under graduation, I discovered a new strain of bacteria “Bacillus foraminis” that has the potential of causing food poisoning. Oh! and I am Gay.

If you are one of those stereotypical Indian citizens who are bothered about a person’s sex life and orientation than understanding the fact that there is more to a person than his sexual preference, then I guess you are not interested in this article anymore. All my achievements are irrelevant, just because I am not into women.

Being gay in India is dramatic. Here you are always expected to be this hyper – masculine, testosterone – oozing super male who can hit sixes in cricket and with women at the same time. If you are anything less than this, then you do not qualify to be an Indian “Mard” . Here, people raise their children just to mate with the opposite gender and populate the streets.

Understanding one’s self and accepting one’s own sexuality is itself a huge thing that requires courage. When you feel that you are not normal, you cannot tell about the way you feel to anyone, because of the fear of getting judged and being called a “faggot”. When YOU are finally brave enough to accept YOUR own sexuality, people around you are not! The whole process of convincing your friends and family can be extremely frustrating. The real filmy drama starts when you open up to your family.

Broken plates, crying mother, tensed father, underfed cat! My mother’s first reaction was “what would the neighbours think?”, that was her biggest worry, even though she hated them.

But why?! Wouldn’t it be better if she just said “Yes Gopu.. I need sometime. I know it will be tough for me and for you.. lets take everything slow and work through everything” or “forget society.. how do you feel?” or “what are your plans for the future?”. How I wish things were that easy! The next clichéd Indian question is, “So you are telling me that I will not get to see my grand children?”, I blame super dramatic Bollywood movies for this. The next question is my personal favourite, “who will take care of you after I die?”, I have no idea how to answer this one!

After this when I came out to my friends I was bombarded with even better questions. “Dude.. so wouldn’t it be like heaven for you to be in the gent’s toilet ?”, “Are you attracted to me ?”, “Try hard to like that girl”. The list just keeps getting better.

To make things worse, there comes section 377. I’m a normal 22 year old who loves to sleep, procrastinate my studies, see movies etc. and just because of one or two paragraphs in a book, now I am treated on par with all the serial killers and rapists out there and there are now people ready to break into my bedroom just to check whether I’m getting laid or not! Leave me. Imagine the kids in the school who are just knowing about their differential sexuality and trying hard to forget it. Imagine the psychological effect of a law like this upon them.

See people, coming out is a very big step for us. Under the given circumstances and the risks, when someone comes out to you that’s because they trust you to the extreme core and they feel that you will not judge them or because they love you so much that they are ready to tell you their biggest secret. So, when someone comes out to you, please try not to be a prick. If you don’t like what they are telling, keep calm and pretend like it never happened at least that is better than asking them to change or become “normal”. Or if you really like them buy them a cup of ice cream! Come on! That person just trusts you so much and he/she just told his/her biggest secret to you! If someone ever opens up to you, then consider yourself extremely lucky! you are actually the chosen one! Please, try to understand their feelings, please love them for who they are and not for who you want them to be