Being Gay 2 Apr05

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Being Gay 2

Let me begin this by showing a picture of the text message that I got after writing my first post on Against Ignorance

Gopu

I never told the person who sent me these messages about my sexuality yet after reading the article, that’s what he had to say. Being gay is not bad or dark, like the movie sets of “Twilight” or “Sleepy Hollow”.  It’s about love. It’s about seeing a person’s true self. It’s about your friends making you feel “No matter what, I will be there for you”.  I don’t know how this works but from what I have experienced, if you belong to any of LGB or T, magically people start to love you more. (Well, they have their own reasons. No matter how greek god-ish you look, you are no longer a threat to another guy! Amen!) People start to love you. Things doesn’t just stop there, they will let you know that you are loved. I think that is more important. Showing the true affection what you feel for others. All of a sudden you are their valued possession. There will always be someone around you. People start to raise their voices to defend you.

I’ll tell you something which happened to me. My best friend is a proper traditional Rajasthani Rajput guy, 2 years elder than me. He has only seen the concept of homosexuality in American movies. He was the first person whom I came out to during my under graduation days. It was a telephonic conversation and when I told him that I was gay, he didn’t speak for about 30 seconds. Pure silence. After that he asked me have I tried changing myself. He even tried to find me a girlfriend in college so that I’ll out-gay myself. This was before 4 years. Last new year’s eve, me, him and his friends., we all went to Goa. He always behaves like my big overprotective brother (which I love). Since he knows that I like to dance, he took me to this club along with his friends. I was dancing alone. Bored. He understood that I was bored. He went to a guy whom I liked and told him, “See that guy dancing over there? He is my brother and he is quite shy. He thinks that you are cute. Go dance with him!”. Then he came to me clutching the “cute guy” in his hand and he was like “See! I’m the best brother in this world! Now go dance with him”. I didn’t know how to react. The same guy who asked me to change my sexuality, now “gifted” me a cute guy to dance on new year’s eve.

Happiness is to see and experience someone trying to change themselves for you. Apart from all the clichéd drama, when things get settled you will witness what I mean. All of a sudden they study more about sexuality, they read about it from everywhere, they try to understand more and more.. About you, to understand you better, to understand the whole concept of LGBT better.  Just because they love you and they are concerned about you. This is the first phase. The next thing that you know will be your friends/siblings/the person whom you just came out to, will be wearing a rainbow flag. Now your friend is a brand new gay rights activist. Tadaaa! Now they want to go for LGBT rallies with you, they will ask you  “when are we going for the pride march?” “what do you think that I should be writing on the chart during the march?” “If I knew any gay guy, I’d definitely have set him up with you”, and my favorite “Oye! When you get married I’m your best man! Don’t forget!”

Coming out to someone is one of its own experience. I don’t think it is fair to expect someone to react perfectly fine when you come out to them. The thing is you yourself took years to come in terms with your sexuality, so when you come out, give them some time. Obviously it will be a shock to them. It will take sometime for everyone to break their shell and to come out to the wider perspective. Till then the best thing we all could do is to be patient. I came out to my mom about an year and a half ago. Yes, she is still in denial. But right now I see HUGE improvement. Now when we go out for a walk or when we go shopping, we check out guys together! (Her taste is complete blah!)

What I’m trying to say is, the big picture of the scenario is beautiful. You came out. Yay you!  Now let them come out to themselves about the concept of homosexuality. Let it soak. When the can accept and see this concept without any blemishes, then the field is clear.

Love and the beautiful relationship, which you share with your parents, siblings and friends, cannot be contained within the margin of sexual preference. It is so much more than that. If you are facing any problems after coming out, please understand that you are not being hated. People don’t really hate you. They love you. The only thing is they are not willing to accept something like the concept of homosexuality  exists in our world which is obvious because they are afraid of the society. This is the time when you have to be strong and be patient. And give them the faith that what ever it is you love them. As my friend Lohit Chandran pointed out, “when you come out, the relationship between the parents and their son/daughter is reversed”.

Have faith and everything will end well.

Love,

Gopu.