Deepak and Don Jun02

Deepak and Don

A conservative society often thinks that same-gender commitment is not possible on a long term; they insist that the government and any religious organizations must not perform witness or bless the rights that unite two individuals of the same gender. We are taught to believe that marriage has always, in any civilizations, been only between a woman and a man. Let us not dig into the history of homosexuality when we have living proofs of partners of same sex. Meet Mr: Deepak(a Keralite settled in the UK) and his partner Don(an US citizen) who shared their tale of love and successful living together. “How did you guys meet and was it a love at first sight?” Deepak-“I met Don at a bear club in the US, where we exchanged sight and it clicked, LOL. We spoke for a while and found the spark in minds of each other which we took home, cherished for a long and here we are” Don-“Exactly, I found Deepak as a genuine personality; his cute smile added to my attachment for him”. The truth that gays are humans who can cherish love in its pure form is vivid here beyond the prevailing myth that homosexual relations don’t last for a long. The lives of these two men prove that commitment between two persons of the same sex is not inherently varied from the same between individuals of opposite sexes.   When people claim the right to marry, their sex or sexuality is not intrinsic to that right, although social prejudice makes it appear so and hence Don adds “We don’t find our relation as a gay relation, being gay is just one dimension of us and our relation encompasses the whole of us, two’. “Do you find same sex relations...

HE, HIM AND THEM May02

HE, HIM AND THEM

Any gay individual would long to be in love with a man and to have a relationship.  Sanjay, who hails from Kerala and lives in Bengaluru, wanted to be with a man and to start a family together ever since had been in terms with his sexuality and accepted himself about a decade ago. Yes! You heard it ‘Family’ comprising of same sex partners and lets read on why Sanjay is open about his Relationship with his lover, Sudhir. “How strong were you through out as a gay before you did end up in a relation?” Sanjay-“I had always been a strong person; it never rankled me when I was made fun by my friends for being different. I was not too bothered with the arguments the straight world came up with, ‘Two men cannot be a family, ‘without kids a family will not be complete’ etc: Their arguments, indeed, made me stronger to emerge as a man who loves another man”. “Can you brief your experience from being single to be a committed partner?” Sanjay- “In my pursuit to have a family I have had my share of short and long term relationships, dates and Finally I could  find the right person. Sudhir too has gone through several ups and downs in his life and has finally found his love in me. We both are very different persons; he loves reading and I hate books. Sudhir likes sports and I don’t even know who hold the latest cricket titles. ‘Opposites attract’ did prove for us though not in terms of gender and we are a family for almost two years as of now”. “Do you find yourselves different from heterosexual couple, in any means?” Sanjay-“Oh Yes. We don’t live for the sake of...

Am I Gay? Apr02

Am I Gay?

There comes a point in lives of every queer individual where she/he needs to accept her/his sexual orientation though one need not come out regarding this. Yes, coming in terms with one’ own sexuality stayed as a herculean task for me too, especially being born as the eldest son in a traditional Syrian Christian family. Though I was quite vivid on the fact that am attracted only to chiseled male faces and toned chests of them, I was totally unaware of terms like gay, coming out etc: . For me life as a teenager was all engaged with various activities that kept me restricted from the jocund of cute girls. Though I didn’t even know any gay people in person till I was 21, I always carried the fear of denial that took me farther away from the answer I was seeking. Internet brought me many friends with the same genes and I could learn more about the alternate sexuality from various sources, but then as told homosexuality was a matter of secret to every gay man I came across, who all were hiding their true face from their wives and leading a dual life. Even, I had not much worries and had plan to get married and live on with family. As years passed and my age surged to late twenties I did not only realize that testosterone ooze in me only when males pass by but also my sexual quotient for women was null. It was then I met a few gay persons who were living single and was Open about what they are. They could give me an idea on the natural default to which we all must return at some stage and how impossible it is to be miserable forever, how natural it is to us and it’s not a choice! Yes, the blockage of...

IT’S NOT A CHOICE Feb05

IT’S NOT A CHOICE

Many a times I have asked myself what if I were not born this way, what if I had only the usual feelings that a guy has to another. My life would have been different for sure, I would not have undergone many chapters of confusion and pain. I would not have felt the need to suppress my emotions. I would not have had to choose living a closeted life. In short, I could have been living a life much free of insecurities and confusions. During my school days, there was this boy whom I used to find really weird. He always behaved as if he were a girl. I found his feminine conducts not befitting to a male. I guess he was ignored by most of the boys and he had only girls for company. I too used to think low of him, used to look at him with contempt, even finding difficult to give a smile. My eight year old mind didn’t want to understand him. Many years later, I realized I’m gay and the path towards that realization was very trying. I found myself asking questions unable to find answers. I felt like I was the only one feeling this attraction towards men and I couldn’t find anyone to ask for help. Then through the internet I understood there are many who feel the same way and I also became aware that most of the people do not see gays as equal to them, often gays are looked down upon. I read many instances of homophobic attacks. I felt this was all very unfair. That’s when my mind spoke to me, “Now how do you feel when you are on the receiving side of this hatred and contempt!” I then realised...

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR TRANSGENDERS Oct02

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR TRANSGENDERS

The honorable Supreme Court on its landmark judgement (dated 15/04/14)on the rights of Transgender community has directed the federal and state governments to bring welfare for the third gender people including education, healthcare and employment opportunities and to aid them overcome economic and and social challenges. The community  with souls of one gender trapped in body of the opposite, had always been marginalised for being born the way they are and in their attempts to train and catch up their bodies with their actual mind they find themselves as the third gender who establish a rigid symbiosis with their minds and bodies. Yes, when it comes to gender the transgenders break the societal rule being male or female and hence they are found as a threat by the same patriarchy, the very existence of which depends of every individuals’ compliance  which denies presence of them in politics, government or in the public. Moreover, if they live visible and Open , in most cases, they are tagged as perverts and are hated and hurt.   I had only seen those media  representations in which transgenders were portrayed as over-sexualized species, sex workers or drag queens and I hence carried the wrong idea that due to the visible presence of the Hijra individuals  at the queer pride marches,  quite an orthodox state like Kerala finds gay men too as trans persons. My pseudo notion towards the third gender individuals was jolted when I had met them in real life and spend time with. I had always been told that men don’t cry, and I didn’t at least for things that directly affected me, which proved wrong when I confronted with them in person and to know the shocking lives they pass through counterbalancing their dual identities.  I felt extremely shameful for myself for knowing only a little about them before and my hate for them vanished in a jiffy as soon as I realised that I was wholly wrong. The ignorant ones easy fall into the trap of such stereotyping and often miss to grasp that they too do things like every one else does. Hardly few knows the truth that Trans people have a gender(male, female or inter sex  and an orientation(homo, hetero or bi) as we are persons who inhabit only the conventional gender roles. Their identity, about which they are not ambiguous , leaves them with much more emotional and mental stress than we do. They deserve respect for the fact that each person’ bond with her/his body is unique and in doing what works to adapt their bodies for their true minds . We must not understand them  from their performances for earnings but as real people and lets have enough empathy to be conscious to not find their attire as cross-dressing but just their way of wearing clothes. When it is quite vivid that these fellow humans of alternate gender do not have proper place in the society for not being real male or female,  let us remember that there are many ways to be HUMAN than being only Man or Woman and hope that the law stay enough strong ,following and with justice to the verdict,  to enable the officials to integrate transgenders into the mainstream society and may be even a level beyond so as to amend 377 in near...